


The Cup Of Coffee

by Romennim



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Multi, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Outsider, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes we just have to understand that we're not what the person we love needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cup Of Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [La Tazza Di Caffè](https://archiveofourown.org/works/687049) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)



> **Beta:** [](http://writer-klmeri.livejournal.com/profile)[**writer_klmeri**](http://writer-klmeri.livejournal.com/)  

Two things have changed my life, one consequent to the other.  
The first has been being assigned to the Enterprise, and the second meeting its new Captain.  
The second has had many consequences, probably as many as the first.

Both of those things, however, have surely something in common: in different ways, they've rocked and changed my world.  
I wasn't expecting to be assigned to the flagship of the 'Fleet so soon after graduation, and I wasn't surely expecting to fall instantly head over the heels for its Captain.

 

The Captain was there to greet me in person in the transporter room when I beamed aboard. At first I didn't even know he was the Captain, but it only took a look, a meeting of our eyes, to make me lose myself. A moment, and I was lost. Completely and utterly lost.  
I noticed his smile - and yes, his body - only a while later, but the damage was already done.

He greeted me, I think, shaking my hand, but those moments aren't clear at all in my head. I just remember confusion and elation.

It was only after, after he accompanied me to my cabin, after he told me again that he was looking forward to working together, after he left, that my brain began to work again, and a pang of desperation began to eat away my bubble of happiness.  
I began to recall every scrap of information about him that I had and one almost glared at me from my memories: Captain James T. Kirk, youngest captain ever, great lover of women.  
Gossip at the Academy and Starfleet in general was a fact well known, even if not recognized, and gossip about commanding officers an obvious matter, so details like a long string of unimportant lovers was something everyone knew. Especially if that string happened to belong to the rising star of Starfleet.

Obviously, that totally dimmed my enthusiasm and I decided to try to ignore my feelings, hoping it was just a crush on a very handsome and fit man.

Lord, how much fate didn't want my feelings to stop.

First of all, the Captain decided that, in addition to the normal tasks of every Yeoman, I would take others more related to him, making me, actually, his personal Yeoman: looking through his correspondence to point out to him the important messages coming from the Headquarters and then do a list of them in order of importance, forcing him to take time to write his reports (that, I learned in a short time, was _not_ an easy task), reminding him of every little thing he asked me to, and bringing him every important report from the various department.  
So, all that forced me to spend a lot of time in his company, surely more than any other Yeoman had to.

Useless to say, that didn't help me to overcome my crush. It didn't help me at all. It just helped me to really fall in love with him, with his personality and good qualities, and not just with his extraordinary body.  
Everything became worse: I began to notice the gentleness he treated his crew with, the deep respect he had of the work of every single crew member, and also the respect he had for the women, the way he treated them as he treated the men.  
I really began to wonder if all the gossip was wrong. As far as I could see, it was. But, then, I didn't accompany him around and his policy of not not getting involved could have just referred to the crew members.

But even the rumors paled when compared to what I saw with my own eyes... The compassion, the courage, the determination. I had an advantaged point to see all that.

I knew he was human. I was - am - not so blind that I didn't see his defects too, and his weaknesses. I saw them too. And in time I learned to do little things that I hoped could help him: the right comment, a cup of coffee, a smile. I hoped that my little actions could make his mood, his situations, if not good, at least better. I hoped to ease his worries, his decisions.

Deep down, I - foolishly, maybe - hoped that one day he could notice me that way too.

 

Of all the things that the crew has always been curious about of the Captain's life, his relationship with Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy has always been on the top list.  
No wonder there, really.  
Commander Spock was the first alien almost everyone had close contact with, and his demeanor wasn't something that could make anyone feel comfortable.  
He was extremely intelligent and good at what he did, but not exactly easygoing. At all. And most of all, he was _other_. No one really knew how to interact with him.

A lot of people that weren't transferred after Pike's command resignation were actually surprised when, against all odds, the new Captain was successful in bonding with his First Officer. And even more surprised when he was successful in involving in this Doctor McCoy too.  
Almost everyone bet Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy would bite each other's head off, and instead, even if there were some serious banters, it was clear that the two became closer, and no one really knows how much of that was the Captain's merit or not.  
Everyone could only see their shared meals in the mess hall or the quips exchanged on the bridge after every mission.

Because of some fortunate coincidences - and because of my role - I was witness to some of their more intimate moments, in the Captain's quarters: their discussion seated on the Captain's sofas, the Captain and Commander Spock playing chess, while the Doctor was sipping some drink and sometimes saying something.  
The feeling I always got after witnessing those private moments was a deep peacefulness, a precious calmness that the relaxed lines of the Captain's face showed perfectly.  
The good mood I always found him in prevented me from getting even a bit jealous.

Maybe that was one of the biggest little things that should have clued me in.  
But I was still blinded by my feelings that by then had developed into a real love, as much as I wanted them to be still a crush.

 

It was after a particularly rough mission that it happened. That I finally knew.  
I had decided to bring the Captain a cup of his coffee to help him relax, since I knew he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.  
I entered his quarters without announcing myself, since I knew that if he didn't want me to do it, he would have told the computer to not let me in once the sensors saw me.  
I entered and stopped dead where I was, almost dropping the cup.  
In front of me there were the Captain and Doctor McCoy and behind them Commander Spock.  
What instantly got my attention was the Captain and the Doctor, because McCoy was gently holding the other in an embrace.  
After a few moments, the Doctor's face went near the Captain's neck and left there a slow, sweet kiss.

I was so surprised that I couldn't make myself stop looking at them.  
The Doctor, then, stepped a bit back and whispered something in the Captain's ear, something that made him laugh heartily.

The sound of his pure laughter snapped me out of my 'trance' and my gaze locked with that of the Commander's, who I just then realized was intently watching me.  
I froze, not knowing what to do.  
The expression on his face made my stomach twist: it was almost an expression of understanding, as if he knew why I was there, as if he knew my feelings.  
Suddenly he did a strange gesture with his head, almost a nod, and I understood his meaning immediately: I didn't have to worry, because everything was alright with the Captain.  
For an instant I wondered if the doors weren't locked for me, because they wanted me to see.  
I immediately pushed the idea aside... It was just too absurd.

I smiled a bit back and then turned on my heels and went out of the room.  
I stopped just outside, in the corridor.  
I don't know how much I stood there, completely still on the spot.

Everything seemed to make so much more sense all of the sudden. Everything... And the realization almost broke my heart.  
What I had just seen was so right, in a very convoluted way, that after the few moments while agony ripped my chest, I could recognize the rightness of what I discovered.  
And remembering the happy expression on the Captain's face and his unrestrained laughter helped me a lot.

When I finally moved down the corridor, thinking about the fact that I had to move on as well, the cup was completely cold.

 

 

 _End of Personal Log, Stardate 7923.41._  
Lieutenant Janice Rand, U.S.S. Norfolk.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on August 15th, 2010


End file.
